We all know about the Mars/Venus thing. Men and women think and process information differently. Some would say very differently. Men generally are less expressive. What do men really think about relationships, marriage, love, and sex? A book by Neil Chethik titled, "What Husbands Really Think About Their Marriages, Their Wives, Sex, Housework and Commitment provides some very insightful information about what men are thinking. Chethik conducted in depth interviews with 70 men and surveyed another 288 inquiring about sex, relationships with in-laws, money, communication and how children should be raised, among other things. He spent countless hours talking to men from ages 22 to 95. His book reveals how men feel about these issues and how they address them. The findings of his research reveal for example that there is a link between good fathers and good marriages.

Author Chethik reveals how men feel and address the changing dynamics of a marriage as it goes through the newlywed phase, raising a family, being an empty nester and finally the unique challenges of a mature marriage. Men in long lasting marriages report overall satisfaction and happiness with their lives. He offers tips based on his findings about how to develop and maintain a fulfilling relationship with your mate.

Men (and women) are often initially attracted by physical attributes. Fifty-five percent of the men in Chethik’s survey acknowledged they were initially attracted to their spouse due to some physical aspect. The survey respondents admitted however that personality is the glue that bonds the relationship. The men admitted that in most folk’s eyes their wives are not a "ten". Their spouses however have certain aspects of their physical appearance that they do find attractive such as a certain look in their eyes or their smile. Although physical attraction may have prompted the initial connection, it was the personality of their spouse that is the ultimate attraction. Eight percent of the men in the survey stated that they knew their wives would be their spouse within one week of meeting her.

The one aspect of a women’s personality that attracts a man is her positive outlook on life. Men often seek a mate that will bring out their own feelings and emotions. The survey respondents also noted that when younger and their mothers were exuberant and positive, it prompted a feeling of warmth throughout the household. Men seek this same characteristic in their mate. Associated with being attracted to someone with a positive outlook, most men are drawn to women with self-confidence. Interestingly, this trait seemed to be more likely with men who have married within the last 30 years. Not surprisingly, this coincides with women’s increasing independence and establishing their own careers. Prior to that period, the ability of a woman to raise a family and manage the household was more prevalent as a positive trait.

Are men satisfied with their sex lives? Forty percent of the men in the survey admitted to using porn. Although that was not an indication they were not satisfied with the sexual relationship with their spouse. Most of the men admitted to masturbation. Use of porn and fantasy is a private outlet for men that supplements their sex life with their mate. Chethik’s research confirmed what many polls have shown over the last several decades. Men do not place as much value on marrying someone who is a virgin. Most do not want to marry someone who is sexually inexperienced.

Most marriages are successful and harmonious when there is an equal sharing of the chores and responsibilities of maintaining the household. Men may see "honey doo’s" as simply tasks to complete to keep the relationship stable. Many women however see these tasks as an expression of love and affection. In fact, women are often turned-on by seeing their mate do housework on their own and without having to ask. Similarly, men see it as a way to express their devotion without necessarily saying so. In the quid pro quo of the male/female relationship, this dynamic is balanced by the female’s need for outright expressions of affection like a simple, "I love you" or caressing and holding hands.

More than anything, an effective marriage and partnership require hard work on the part of both individuals. Nothing is perfect. In the end, the most successful partnerships are those in which both individuals see their mate as their best friend.

For more information, go to:

www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/Books/Story?id=1483831&page=1

www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/01/30/voice_male/index.html

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