Falling in love is easy. Staying in love and keeping the flame strong is not as easy. How do you keep intimacy alive? As we go through life’s stages with our partner, balancing the demands from work, family, friends can be quite challenging. Intimacy does not have to fade away. It takes two committed partners to ensure it does not. As the relationship matures and ages, the nature of intimacy changes.

Early on in the relationship intimacy typically means sex. Couples in a new relationship are often in routine, continual contact. Conflicts can be magnified in such a situation. What drew you together during courtship and what binds you early in the relationship were your similarities. Constant contact tends to magnify the differences. It is important for couples in such situations to be open and up front with one another. She may value discussions about feelings during intimacy. His focus may be on more mundane topics. Strike a balance. Learn about your differences and respect them. That is a great way to build intimacy.

In the first few years of marriage or spending time with a partner, there may be a sense of emotional claustrophobia. There may be a need to develop more of a respect for each other’s space yet at the same time maintain intimacy. This can be the critical time when both partners need to ensure they are not drifting apart. Demands of building a family or climbing up the career ladder should not override the need for understanding and respecting your partner’s intimate desires and needs. It may seem like there is no time for sex or there is no energy for it. What should be done by couples is view sex as an emotional refuge where they can reconnect. Make time for it. Make it a priority. Reinvigorate the relationship by making dates with one another. Break the routine.

After ten or twenty years together, each partner develops routines. In an effective relationship, each partner respects those routines. It is important to fight off the boredom. Remind yourself that quality intimacy begins with not doing a number of things such as being judgmental or excessively scrutinizing our partner. Try doing things you both enjoyed early in the relationship. Go someplace where you had a romantic escapade when you were younger. Reacquaint one another with a rebirth of your sexuality. In a way, go back to move forward. Men are visual and are often are prompted to pursue sexual intimacy by what they see. Women like to hear their partner, especially focusing on her needs and the needs of the relationship. Dress sexy for him and he needs to communicate how sexy you are to him. Be wary of the affair. Fight the urge.

Partners that have been together for several decades find that romance returns. The kids have been raised and many women are returning to the workforce or starting a second career. Women are dealing with menopause, men with their mid-life crisis. Generally, women tend to handle middle age better. Recognition of how finite life is tends to come into the equation. If the partners have developed a mutual respect over the years, this is often a time for reconnecting. You recognize you both are truly experiencing life’s journey together. You both will likely have more time to spend with one another. Find time to play together. Couples that have been together for 30-40 years often find that intimacy is more expressive, honest and sensual. Many younger people think their parents engage in sex no more than once a month. Sex once a week is more the norm.

As we age, adjustments may become necessary in our sexual intimacy. Men may take longer to become and stay erect. Prescription medications may interfere with performance. Women may experience more dryness. Understand, respect and adjust to these changes in your partner. Don’t use them as excuses to not be intimate. Intimacy may involve more sexual stimulation but not necessarily intercourse.

In our later years, sexual intimacy may not be as important to partners as it was earlier in life. Emotional intimacy is more the focus. In fact, it helps couples in their later years survive. A trusting, respectful, caring relationship can literally help you live longer.

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